I remember whenever we have to weave paat ( cloth strips ) on charpai my father couldn't control his anger cause being perfectionist he not like slight difference in distance between any two strips. Though he is perfectionist he never forced me to be but slowly by observing him i too took his path and believed to do everything perfectly. My books were up to date, uniform always ironed, clean shoes, perfect preparation before exam and try hard to keep every corner of my study table and home neat and clean. I used to spend my lot of energy behind perfection. But after being mother everything changed. Then freedom became much more important than perfection. I left perfection far behind.
Children have to draw perfect circle and must have to fill color under the boundary is the first thing that made me think about development of creativity at school. It's an art, how can you force a nursery kid to draw in a particular way?! Teacher praises kid's perfection in drawing, craft, writing etc. and then starts 'pleasing the teacher game' instead child's own expression th art. Children coming from obedient culture at home adapt it easily but not all. 'Practice makes a man perfect' and teacher gives homework of writing same spelling 10 times or 25 times!!!...utter wastage of precious childhood :(
When parents try to impose good habits, manners, etiquette etc. they uses 'that's like a good girl'...isn't it a tool to mold child in perfect person? Before a child could understand meaning of 'sorry' and 'thank you' they have to use it as parent tell them to say it. Perfection towards socially excepted behavior by pleasing others. Have seen many parents hitting kids for making cloths dirty...another kind of perfection push.
'Perfection' is not a bad word in itself....in fact that's our ultimate goal. Nothing wrong in providing yourself as 'perfection' model but imposing it might damage something irreversibly. For parents child's perfection in academic, sports, behavior, art, smartness etc. is the measure of good parenting, child perform good and parents feel proud but child's failure makes them feel bad. Today's child-oriented parenting making it tough for the children to flourish with this rush for perfection.
As toddler Ashna wanted to attend marriage reception wearing slipper, and she did !. Megh always says "what's need of cloth inside home?" he's happy with his Mogli style, it's ok...but if there is guest he knows now not wearing cloth is not freedom (This is for parents who wrongly takes word 'freedom'). They might not look fashionable smart kids but they are free...not rushing to behave like an adult.
Ashna was drawing and filled whole page with black crayon lines , our friend shocked and said oh, she wasted whole page! Her jr. KG teacher rejected Ashna from annual cultural program saying she don't have perfect steps! Megh was 2 yr old and we planned making Ganesh idol with friends, we were talking and before we start Megh came with his Ganesh. He tried to make head, hands, legs and round stomach, not joined them but just put them together. That was very quick and instead appreciating his efforts they found it funny, they laughed comparing it with ideal Ganesh idol!
Today Ashna is 10 and Megh 7...they love to make different things...sometimes makes with help sometimes without any help. Most of the time perfection is missing but sometimes they do really nice work. For me every creation by my children is precious because I know how much thinking process, passion, hard work, efforts they have added to it....and whatever coming is their own original work and not copied from somewhere. It's the same force of creation by which this whole world exists...when inner energy (Shakti) combines with the work (Purusharth) , new creation emerges.
“Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it” – Salvador Dali
Children have to draw perfect circle and must have to fill color under the boundary is the first thing that made me think about development of creativity at school. It's an art, how can you force a nursery kid to draw in a particular way?! Teacher praises kid's perfection in drawing, craft, writing etc. and then starts 'pleasing the teacher game' instead child's own expression th art. Children coming from obedient culture at home adapt it easily but not all. 'Practice makes a man perfect' and teacher gives homework of writing same spelling 10 times or 25 times!!!...utter wastage of precious childhood :(
When parents try to impose good habits, manners, etiquette etc. they uses 'that's like a good girl'...isn't it a tool to mold child in perfect person? Before a child could understand meaning of 'sorry' and 'thank you' they have to use it as parent tell them to say it. Perfection towards socially excepted behavior by pleasing others. Have seen many parents hitting kids for making cloths dirty...another kind of perfection push.
'Perfection' is not a bad word in itself....in fact that's our ultimate goal. Nothing wrong in providing yourself as 'perfection' model but imposing it might damage something irreversibly. For parents child's perfection in academic, sports, behavior, art, smartness etc. is the measure of good parenting, child perform good and parents feel proud but child's failure makes them feel bad. Today's child-oriented parenting making it tough for the children to flourish with this rush for perfection.
As toddler Ashna wanted to attend marriage reception wearing slipper, and she did !. Megh always says "what's need of cloth inside home?" he's happy with his Mogli style, it's ok...but if there is guest he knows now not wearing cloth is not freedom (This is for parents who wrongly takes word 'freedom'). They might not look fashionable smart kids but they are free...not rushing to behave like an adult.
Ashna was drawing and filled whole page with black crayon lines , our friend shocked and said oh, she wasted whole page! Her jr. KG teacher rejected Ashna from annual cultural program saying she don't have perfect steps! Megh was 2 yr old and we planned making Ganesh idol with friends, we were talking and before we start Megh came with his Ganesh. He tried to make head, hands, legs and round stomach, not joined them but just put them together. That was very quick and instead appreciating his efforts they found it funny, they laughed comparing it with ideal Ganesh idol!
Today Ashna is 10 and Megh 7...they love to make different things...sometimes makes with help sometimes without any help. Most of the time perfection is missing but sometimes they do really nice work. For me every creation by my children is precious because I know how much thinking process, passion, hard work, efforts they have added to it....and whatever coming is their own original work and not copied from somewhere. It's the same force of creation by which this whole world exists...when inner energy (Shakti) combines with the work (Purusharth) , new creation emerges.
“Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it” – Salvador Dali
3 comments:
Well said ...
Dali quote made me smile ...
You've put in words, what goes through my mind every single day now. Why should he wear jeans, when he prefers elastic band waale clothes, why should i make him learn shlokas when i myself am unable to digest their meanings... and so on.. I now look to nature and see that as long as children are with their parents, they learn to protect themselves and to forage for food. Building a nest, laying eggs/having kids, protecting them and territory fights and not on the learning agenda. Once an adult, nature herself teaches all of this, as long as they know how to stay safe and to find food.
My dad tells me a story of a village which went to a temple to pray for rain. When they asked a child to come along, he took an umbrella with him. They asked him why an umbrella, it is too hot for one. He replied- after we pray for rain, i will need it on the way back, coz wont bhagwaan have answered our prayers by then.
Such impressionable and inncoent minds, being corrupted. Its a crime.
Thanks for sharing wonderful story...my son read 5 books of harry potter series, when he brought first i was not sure but he had read on back cover of the book that 'from children to aged people everybody would like to read these books again and again'...so he was confident that he can and he will.
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